2 Month Angelversary

May 4, 2010



Baby Girl,



Today marks 2 months since you were inside my belly. I can't believe it has been so long and at the same time it feels like an eternity since I was with you. It's amazing how time can play cruel jokes like that. I miss you like crazy, Ella Grace. Everything reminds me ofyou and of where we are "supposed" to be right now. Tomorrow we should have been exactly 30 weeks along. You know we had pink roses at your service and your precious Daddy buys me a pink rose often, to remind me that he is thinking of us both. Daddy and I went to San Antonio this weekend (I'm sorry I never got the chance to take you there) and on the way we saw wildflowers blooming along the side of the road. It seemed like everywhere we looked we saw flowers. I asked Daddy if he thought that I would ever spend another spring, seeing flowers, and not be reminded of you. He said No! We agreed that all flowers, not just pink roses, remind us of you. Daddy says it is because flowers and spring remind us of new life and that you were our new life.


Because we were out of town this weekend we didn't get to come see you at your spot, but I know that you know we were thinking of you every second...just like every other day.



This coming weekend is going to very busy also. On Saturday Daddy, Bear and I are going to be walking in the "Race for the Cure." We have walked in it every year since we got married and we always walk in memory of your sweet Grandma (Miss Eleanor). When you were still with me I was worried about being able to walk with my belly so big and I almost chickened out of walking this year because I thought it would be a sad reminder of how I don't have a big 'ol aby belly right now, but I decided that it would be best to honor you and Grandma by continuing our tradition. Then on Sunday it is Mother's Day. No one has made any specific plans and I feel like I should be planning something for Queenie and Honey, but I just can't seem to get it together. Hopefully Ninny Boo and Aunt Anna will be on that for Mommy this year. The only thing I can think about is getthing through the day and getting to your spot to spend time with my precious Baby Girl.



Lots of "baby loss" Mommies struggle with celebrating Mother's Day and wether or not they should. Some of them don't feel like Mommoes and some of them (in my opinion) don't feel like they deserve to be honored because they haven't stayed up late with a crying baby and wiped snotty noses and done all the "Mommy" jobs, but in my opinion, they are just as much Mommies as anyone. They, like me, have had to do the hardest Mommy job in the world; they have had to say good-bye to their babies. They have had to wipe their own tears and stayed up nights nursing their own pain and had to play nice when they wanted to crawl into a cave and never come out. Being a Mommy is about doing what is best for your child. Baby loss Mommies are doing the best they can for their babies by living life and continuing to wake up each day and putting one foot in front of the other. That is a hard job when you h ave lost the most precious thing to you, Baby Girl. I have no problem celebrating being a Mommy. I am, and will forever be, Ella Grace's Mommy. I gave you life, even if it was for a short 21 weeks; it was the most precious life I have ever given. You, making your fingers and toes and nose and pouty lips and being so close to a miracle makes me a Mommy and it will forever be the BEST and MOST important job I have ever had.



I miss you Angel and am sad every single day. I can't wait to see you in Heaven and you can tell me all about the adventures you are having. Please be a good girl and try to stay out of trouble.



I love you bigger than the whole wide world,

Your Mommy



P.S. There are lots of Mommies down here that are missing their babies even more as Mother's Day approaches. Please give all their babies hugs for me and tell them that their Mommies love them. Also, please give special hugs and loves to Layla and Michael and tell them thank you for sharing their Mommy with me.



P.P.S. Will you please also hug MeMaw and Grandma for me and tell them that on Mother's day they are also missed so very much by their own daughters and grand kiddos. You all please take care of each other! I love you!