The air conditioner is not working in my office and it's making me grumpy, so I have decided to get something off of my chest. Something that is petty and insignificant, but that has been bothering me none the less.
I have a "friend" (I use the term lightly) that has been in my life for many years. We will call her "C." We have known each other for MANY years and have been through lots of stuff together, some good and some not so good. I have known for some time that I have been carrying the friendship and not really getting anything back from it, but for some reason I have felt compelled to continue. For many years the friendship has been one-sided. I truly believe that we only have people in our lives that fulfill a need in our lives. I am not sure what need "C" had been fulfilling in me, but I had felt the need to keep her in my life.
She no longer lives in our home town (where I live) but her family is still here so she visits often (as she only lives about 2 hours away). When we lost Ella Grace she was aware. Her mom sent a sweet message on face.book with her condolences. "C" called a couple of weeks later with sympathies and to let me know that she had been laid off work. She said that she was going to be in town quite a bit and that she really wanted us to get together. She wanted to give me the opportunity to "talk" and wanted to just be there for me. I really appreciated it and told her how much that would mean to me. I told her to please call me any time she came into town and let her know that I was also taking some time off work and would love to see her.
Fast forward to this weekend. I have yet to hear that she had been in town. I was on face.book and saw pictures of her and another friend at the zoo in our town. And comments about their weekend in town. Needless to say, my feelings are beyond hurt. I know better than to expect any more from her, but I would have thought that she would have at least called. I know that she isn't the most considerate person and that she is pretty selfish, but I would have thought that she would have wanted to extend some friendship to me after we buried our daughter.
It's so true that in tough times you find out who your true friends are.
I don't want to end this post on a negative note, so I will say that I have also found some TRUE, amazing friends through this journey! I have not really "lost" any friends, true colors have just come to light.
Sorry for being mopey and complain-y! I am blaming it on the lack of A/C and the fact that it just started pouring down rain! That's my story and I am sticking to it!
Posts
Site Tracker
12 rose petals:
you tell your story girl! ;)
true colors do come to light. i'm sorry that you've been so hurt.
Sweetest Friend,
You are not mopey at all, you are disappointed in someone whom you thought was capable of more. It is so sad and I'm sorry you are feeling as if she is not concerned for you. I had a similar experience and was disappointed by a dear friend, one who had also suffered loss, but contacted me 5 months later to ask how I was doing. Although I appreciated the call I resented her negligence and felt as if she had gone on to have her children and had forgotten what it feels like to be on this side.
I've realized that friendships are like seasons. Some come for a Spring or Fall and some last a lifetime. Those life timers are the ones that you hold on to, that add value and the others are not. As my therapist says "take out the trash". If it has no "real" value, let it go....
Much love and I pray that your AC is repaired very soon, as you could melt quickly since you are SO SWEET ;) Know that you are loved here...lean on "us" and we will share your burdens.
Besides, zoo's stink this time of year anyway! LOL
xoxo
Andrea
I also had a friend who I met in college, that was a one-sided friend. She always needed to have someone reassure her and comfort her, but was really bad about returning the favor. We had a falling out a couple years ago and haven't spoken since, but to be honest, after grieving the friendship it has been a relief to not be continually let down. I understand the hurt feelings though!
ICLW
Even if you weren't close, it still hurts to be "stood up" and to lose that last piece of friendship.
I'm sorry you've had to experience this pain, but in the long run, it helps to know who your true friends are.
ICLW 156
I don't find you "mopey" at all. I think you have a valid point. I do not keep people in my life that don't bring something positve (in one form or another). Life is simply too short which I realized after a tough 7 year mark where I had lost both parents, my only grandparent and best friend. Sadly, I cut what little family I had left out of my life simply because it was one sided. Don't be afraid to make that decision but only when you are ready, if ever. I am so sorry that you were hurt by this woman. Some people just never cease to amaze us, right? You've been through so much and are deserving of wonderful things and people in your life. (((Hugs)))
I'm stopping by your blog for ICLW and your post sang a familiar tune.
I know this friend too, because I have one in my life just like her. I have often wondered why I bother and yet I still can't find an answer.
I understand your feelings completely and hope that while friends like that may not be supportive I hope you can find many on here that will be.
I send you my condolences for your loss and hope you can find peace.
Take care,
Patricia
Being mopey and complain-y is exactly what is so great about a blog...let all that out!
I'm sorry you had to go through all that, but you are so right about finding out who your true friends are in tough times.
I was feeling extra troubled a few days ago and it just so happens to be when the A/C was broken in my car. Blame it all on the heat!
:) Take good care of yourself.
I know people struggle knowing what to do after someone has suffered a significant loss but to post the pictures on FB seems a bit insensitive. It would have been one thing if she hadn't told you she wanted to support you while she was in town but to not even call and then publicly celebrate the fact that she let you down must have really hurt. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I'm stopping by for the first time through ICLW. I'm so sorry that her true colors come to light when you needed her to be there for you this weekend. I can't imagine needing a friend more than during this time. ((hugs))
sadly this is my story too..people that I thought would surely be there disappeared so fast..but you are right, they weren't good friends to begin with..((HUgs))
I was just telling a friend how I've learned to just not expect as much from people and then I'm not as disappointed. Honestly, it's only a very few people I feel that way about, but with those, who are incapable of more, I feel better not expecting a lot and am more often pleasantly surprised than disappointed!
Hoping the AC gets fixed!!! xoxo
I find that there are very few people who really will stick by you through thick and thin. Those precious few really are precious, though!
I also find that when I need support it can come from many unexpected places, and I hope that you have had plenty through this rough time.
Sorry for your loss.
Post a Comment