Signs from God?

"A" and I went to Shreveport for the day to celebrate my Pepaw's birthday and for "A" to help do some work around their house. It was a good time and I am glad we went. On the way home we were listening to some praise and worship music and just kind of sitting quiet, each lost in our own thoughts.

"A" looked up at the horizon and said, "Wow, aren't those clouds beautiful." That's all it took. I lost it and started sobbing. Suddenly I missed Ella Grace with an intensity that felt like physical pain. The great irony of it is that on the way to Shreveport I asked "A" if he thought I was handling it "too well" and was not grieving as much as I was supposed to be. I mentioned that sometimes I read other's blogs and compare my grief and don't feel like I am sad enough. That I actually feel guilty that I am able to see the good that has come from it and the ways that God has used her short, precious life for such great things. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be "there" yet.

I mean, sure, eventually, but it's only been 2 ½ months. I should still be bitter, angry and catatonic…right?

I digress.

So there I am crying my eyes out and praying that God would let me know that she's okay. In my head I am thinking that it's silly to even question if she's okay. Of course she is, she is in a MUCH better place than I can even imagine with MUCH better company! But I just feel like I need to feel peace. I am not usually one of these writing on the walls type people. I don't usually "see" things clearly. But today, I think God gave me a clear vision that she was okay.

In the clouds I saw a little bean that looked exactly like Ella Grace looked at our first ultrasound. All body and short arms and like a lima bean. It was just like looking at a cloud version of her! Right to the left in the sky there was a cloud that looked exactly like a perfect heart. Just floating in the center of the sky. Suddenly the heart starting breaking up and the clouds formed two angel wings. Two perfect, symmetrical angel wings that replaced the broken heart! About that time we turned a bit of a corner and the whole sky was PINK!!!! It took my breath away. The whole time I am sobbing and can't even point any of it out to "A." I felt peace. I felt like He had given me the sign that yep, she's okay! I hope you have a blessed day and know that I am praying for YOU today!