On March 2nd "A" and I were supposed to be going to buy me a glider for our nursery. It was the night before our big ultrasound and I was a nervous wreck. "A" had "bought" me the glider for Valentines Day, but he wanted me to pick it out. Up until this point we had been cautious about buying too much baby stuff...you know, so we wouldn't jinx it! But we decided that the night before the ultrasound would be a perfect time to look at gliders. I desperately needed something to occupy my mind and the hours before we got to find out if the baby in my belly was a girl or a boy!
As we pulled into the parking lot of the shopping center I noticed an elderly lady laying by her car. It appeared that she had just fallen. I slammed on the breaks and shooed "A" out of the car to check on her. She was banged up and bleeding and visibly shaken from the fall. I insisted that we make sure she made it home okay. We got her safely home and as we were talking to her we realized that more than likely she had broken her wrist in the fall. Long story short(er) we waited about an hour with her as she got in touch with family and ultimately rode in an ambulance to the emergency room. We didn't get to go glider shopping that night, but I knew we had done the right thing. We had been good citizens and helped a lonely, sad, scared old lady. I foolishly, pridefully thought on the way home from her house, "well, that should be good karma for the ultrasound tomorrow. Now, we will get a good shot of this baby and our party will be great, because of our good deed."
We all know how well that turned out for me! I guess, in a weird way, it's good that we didn't get to go glider shopping and God used that lady's fall to protect us. If we had gone shopping I may have had one more piece of furniture and one more reminder of what should have been.
On rough days, days like this, it's easier to associate the falling lady as a scary ominous sign of bad things to come. All of this to come to this afternoon. I was leaving work and I was standing in the parking lot talking to a co-worker and friend when our receptionist (an older lady) fell in the parking lot. She busted up her lip and nose and her hand. Just like the lady in the other parking lot, I was on hand with wet wipes.
When I got in my car I went into complete meltdown mode. It was too familiar. It was too much like the last night that I had with Ella Grace. The last night that I got to be happy. It felt too much like a sign of bad things to come. Now I sit here feeling silly, because truly, I don't believe in sings like this (I don't think), but I can't shake that feeling that something bad is going to happen...something terrible and life shattering....all because I saw a lady fall in the parking lot!
Edit: I just realized how terrible & selfish of a person it makes me sound that I just made 2 ladies falling all about me! But, this is about me being honest and today, it was all about me, in that moment. I am sorry. I made sure she was okay and I helped her clean herself up, but today I was really selfish and really did make her falling in the parking lot all about me :/
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
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8 rose petals:
At least you got of your car and did the right thing, not everyone would do the same thing. I really hope nothing bad is in store for you. I will keep you in my thoughts.
No, you aren't selfish. I can understand how you would relate this type of thing now to being a bad omen. You are such a sweet person to help both ladies, and I hope that this latest fall isn't a sign of bad things to come. You deserve only good things headed your way.
no! that is not selfish at all!! don't ever feel like you need to apologize or explain your feelings here..
I've thought of "signs" I feel like I should have picked up on too, but honestly, its just coincidence, we as moms just try to rationalize everything to the bit..I think its because we love too much to just accept that bad things happen to good people and its completely not fair..((hugs)) and praying for good things to come your way very soon!
You are not selfish, not in any way. Look at what you did for these ladies.
I believe in signs. I've had many in my life and when I look back at them I am amazed that I had such signs.
Perhaps, the fall was not a sign of something obvious. Like you said, the first lady's fall caused you not to buy a glider. Perhaps God was cushioning your "fall".
Maybe, this is a sign from God that everything is going to be alright. That your little girl is safe with Him and He will be taking care of the both of you. I think it is a sign of something good. You'll see.
I am going to believe that it is just a coincidence that you have helped to fallen elderly ladies. Our minds so easily like to go to the bad so I can def understand why it would seem like something bad might happen.
I think it makes perfect sense. It was a reminder of something awful, and after all you've been through, of course it would be scary that something awful could happen again. I think it's normal, though I know it doesn't feel very good.
I don't think you're selfish--we tend to try and make sense of stuff, even if it is just not something that any sense can be made of...and it's not like you WISHED for those things to happen--so be gentle with yourself!!!
Praying like Holly that this was just coincidence....
You're not selfish Britt. It sounds pretty reasonable for this to have been a trigger for you. What I see in these stories is a woman who is caring, compassionate and has exactly the character found in all great mothers. You are a good person in a very difficult spot. You are not terrible or selfish. Not at all.
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