I am currently at a conference for work. I have never really been to a "professional" conference and had no idea what to expect. I have learned that a HUGE part of these conferences is DRINKING....LOTS. Now, granted, I work in higher ed, so many of my colleagues are young, single professionals and really are using this as a networking opportunity. I am NONE of these things! I am an old lady at heart and some of the reason for that is because it is really hard for me to be around alcohol a whole lot...because, lets face it...I WANT TO DRINK.
So many people don't understand alcoholics and they think that because I stopped drinking and have been sober for a little while then the desire to drink has gone away. Let me correct that false thinking...I still want to drink...badly. I want to be able to relax and have a cocktail (or 5) and I want to be able to participate in the social aspect of it, but the risk outweighs the benefits. I know (from painful experience) that I can't handle even one drink. That one drink, for me, always leads to another and another and another...until I have reached rock bottom...again.
On my journey with alcoholism my rock bottom didn't have to be as severe as many others. I never was in trouble with the law, never hurt anyone with my car (sure, many were hurt by my actions), I never really "lost" anyone because of my drinking...but don't be fooled...I was at MY rock bottom. I don't want to know what it would take to get my attention the next time around.
So, I don't even give into one drink (no matter how many times my colleagues offer to buy, or insist, or even poke fun). Frankly, it's exhausting to resist the temptation so much and right now I am WORN OUT. You know how when you go to a party that you don't really know that many people and you don't really feel all that comfortable, but you feel the need to be "on" the whole time, when you leave you feel like everything has been sucked out of you...your are drained. That's exactly how it feels to resist the temptation to drink....every time I am around it. It's draining and exhausting.
All of this to say that I am ready for this conference to be over. I am ready to have a break from having to be "on" all the time with people I don't really know, I am ready to crawl into MY bed (not some hotel bed) with my sweet little dog and my amazing husband and have a good, cleansing, relaxing...CRY!
Forever Her Mommy,
Posts
10 rose petals:
Do you colleagues know why you don't drink? If they do and are still insisting or poking fun then that is just terrible. They should be able to respect your decision regardless.
So proud of you for being brave and up front about being 4 years sober. That's incredible! My father just took his 4 year chip a few weeks ago. Hoping you will be through with your conference soon!
xo
Good for you for being strong! I can imagine how tough it must be, but I admire your strength.
Love you!!!
Just want to send you some love and hope that the rest of your conference goes by quickly and smoothly.
Brittney,
I didn't know this about you, but rest assured, I understand. Larry is a recovering alcoholic & fits exactly the same description you gave. He never hurt anyone, lost someone b/c of his drinking, etc....but he struggles with the urge to get completely drunk every time he's around alcohol and the worst of it is when he's alone & there's no one to be accountable to. So I applaud you for posting this & giving yourself an outlet. Larry usually calls me & goes to hide in his hotel room in those sort of situations.
Good for you! The easiest thing would to just give in when it's around you so much. Good job for being so strong, keep it up! I read so much of myself it this post...your babies are proud of you!!!
You're very brave to share this Britt. I wish you many more years of the grace, courage and strength you obviously have while wrestling with this. You are an amazing woman!
Wow ! You are so brave !
Brave for sharing this and brave for coping with the temptation !
You should not only have a good cry when you come home if you still feel like it then but you should give yourself a present for being so strong !
i read this yesterday on my phone and have been meaning to get back here and comment.
first of all, hugs and high fives to you for staying strong. i am not a person who has ever been to rehab, but i am a person with addictive tendencies for sure.
so i know almost how hard it is. and im glad you got it out and talked about it. i hope it took some weight off, and i hope these affirmations you have received made you feel a teeny bit better.
xoxo
lis
Post a Comment